Icabod Percival Daily (i_p_daily) wrote,
Icabod Percival Daily

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Maybe you'll get it

Hi. Yes, I am still alive and pissin.' And I'm about to post something I never thought I'd post in this journal. An actual real entry that isn't about getting off.
I posted this at my regular journal a couple days ago.
Thanks to this BOOMING Bush economy, I was laid off in April because of a lack of business. Boy-howdy, did they hate to let me go. I mean, they felt terrible about it. But there wasn't enough money coming in, so me and some one else got the boot. And now I have a moral dilemma. There's a chance I could have a job close enough to bike to (I don't have a car,) doing what I did at my last job for the same money, no phones, no customers, type and listen to the iTunes all day. Good gig, eh?
Except part of the application process is a drug test, which I am so dead set against.
I've never taken any drug that wasn't prescribed to me by a doctor or bought at a drug store for a cold, allergics, or cranky stomach, so it's not like I'm afraid they'll find out I'm high on smack all the time. I think it's an invasion of privacy, violation of the 4th Amendment, and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much to ask for my pee for a job. I'm not flying a plane, taking care of children, or operating on people. There's no reason you need my whiz for this kind of gig. If the President doesn't have to take a drug test, why should I for a sit-n-type job? If I did spend my time off smokin' fatties till my eyes were red that's my business. It's an incredibly stupid way to spend my time off, but none of your business unless I show up at work baked out of my gourd. My reliable work history and lack of a criminal record should be enough, you fascists!
BUT, I've been unemployed since April, and last week my girlfriend got the sack. Combined unemployment checks may only barely, BARELY keep us from living with YOU. This is only the third offer in the last six months that's close enough to me. My unemployment will run out in two months, and it's looking like the only thing people will get from me for Christmas is a cup of Yo-Play. Not Yoplait, Yo-Play, the extremely generic 10¢ a cup yogurt. Who likes mixed berries and onion flavor!?!
So, I don't know if it's time to feel violated and pee for an overly intrusive employer who trusts no one and doesn't believe in innocent before proven guilty and probable cause. Or pass on this job and hope something comes along soon that doesn't ask for a golden shower.
Maybe I can sneak in a vile of lemonade and pour it into the cup. When they ask about my results I can say I really like lemonade. No, I don't even notice when I pass the pulp through my urine. Why's it pink? Ummmm, an infection from a misspent night in Mexico eight years ago. Do I get the job?

Except for one person at my other LiveJournal everyone basically says, "shut up and pee." But there's only part of it they can know.
There is the invasion of privacy, and incinerating of the 4th Amendment that chews at me like a rabid pitt bull with lipstick, but there's something else for me. I'm sure most of the people at the other LJ think of pee as nothing more than something to flush away. They wouldn't get that pee means more to me than that. And I am certainly NOT going to splatter it all over a public journal my parents, my girlfriend's parents, and people I don't want knowing read.
Beyond a body function, pee is sexual and intimate to me. I'm fussy who I share my pee with, and I only share it with people I have that pee or romantic connection with. Yes, I've peed my pants in public at the slightest whim, but it was MY pleasure. It was a personal thrill for me.
For me having an employer ask me to pee for them is like when Walt Disney asked Minnie Mouse to show more skin in that bit on Family Guy.
It's like someone holding a gun to me and ordering me to have sex with his mother while he watches, or something. I feel very violated, dirty, and shameful. (Not shameful in the fun way.)
So, I dunno, I figure you guys would understand that part of being ordered to pee in a cup.
Tags: 4th amendment, violated
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